5 Principles of Parenting That Prepare Our Children for Life in the Real World

Before I became a father, I was a son, a brother, and a nervous misguided child with no self esteem and no clue what life was all about. My father told me how big of a mess up I was and I soon came to believe him. My mother gave me love and encouragement and through her came the faith and belief that I was a good person with a good heart, and I was put on this Earth to do good things. My mother and her mother as well, had very strong standards and principles pertaining to loving each other and treating everyone with respect and compassion. Here are the 5 most important ideals that I grew up with and still apply to this very day. These are the values that shape our children's character. These are a set of principles that they too will one day give this gift to their own children. Let's start with Honesty.

HONESTY: The first and possibly the most important principle of them all. The later in life that a child understands the importance of being honest, the more likely they are to find themselves in many situations that are painful and discomforting. They must understand that there are no exceptions to the rule, such as white lies, withholding the truth, or not telling things the way they really happened. Honesty leads on into our second principle.

ACCOUNTABILLITY: It may sound harsh, but children must learn to take responsibility for their actions. Our kids have all the excuses in the world, although they forget that we were kids too and we've pretty much heard it all. They have to realize that there are very few legitimate excuses, but in general they need to apply our first principle, Honesty, and learn to tell it like it is. This is particularly important in our children's school work. They must understand that they are the ones who need to make sure their homework's done. This doesn't excuse us parents from participating actively with our children's school work, it only means that it's their obligation to know their homework assignment, to bring home their study book, to do ALL their homework, and to be sure to turn it in to their teachers. If they aren't fully adhering to our first principle of honesty, we can expect that our children will eventually fall into trouble at school, and as parents we must hold them accountable and not allow excuses or finger pointing. They messed up. They messed up and that's part of life. We make mistakes and we suffer the consequences, but we must teach them a valuable lesson is to be learned here.

RESPECT FOR OTHERS: When teaching our children important life principles, it is imperative to set an example of respect for others. Our children must understand that we are not to judge, criticize, label, disrespect, or hold prejudice towards any individual based on their looks, religion, financial status, beliefs or disabilities. This lesson must be taught by example, and should strictly be dealt with right away when these problems arise, and believe me they will arise. We must teach them that we are children of God and our purpose here is to love each other and to help one another. If you don’t strongly believe this your self, then be prepared for your children to grow up selfish, judgmental, and in all probability racist. Respect for others starts in the home, or may never start at all.

GRATITUDE: Many of us take a lot of things in life for grant it, even more so with our children. They assume there will be will be taken care of and basically don’t have a care in the world. It is essential that our children realize that food doesn’t magically appear on the dinner table each night, and their playstations and game boys cost a lot of money that we as parents work very hard for. Children must understand how blessed and fortunate they are, especially children lucky enough to be living in the U.S.A, as opposed to the millions and millions of children who not only don’t have the luxuries we are afforded, but may not have food on their tables at all. Our children as a whole are spoiled and have very little appreciation for even the simple things in life. Teach your children wisely, not only to have gratitude for what they have, but to have gratitude for the problems in the world that we are fortunate enough not to have. Perhaps this will help to strengthen their character enough to see the importance of helping and caring for those less fortunate than us.

SAYING “I LOVE YOU”: You can never say “I Love You” too many times. Perhaps the three most powerful words in any language. Always end a phone conversation or a bedtime story with an “I Love You”. It seems a bit simplistic as far as principles go, however it could truly set the stage for our children growing up unafraid to express their feelings to another. Many of us have a difficult time with this. There is a wonderful feeling, so natural, that comes to us when we tell another “I Love You”, and of course when someone speaks those wonderful words to us. We must first make our children feel loved, before they can truly understand how to love themselves. Start every morning and end each evening by holding your child close to you and whispering those spirit lifting, powerful words we all need to hear. Just say to them “I Love You”, and perhaps they’ll grow up with a heart of gold and an abundance of love for all.
If you enjoyed this article, please visit Jay's Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom

Jay Bartels is the author of many human interest stories. Jay's own story of hope and inspiration can be found on his highly resourcefull family sites. Jay is a single father raising two young girls and shares his experiences in several journals that can be found on his web sites.

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Who are Your Children's Role Models? Where do you draw the line?


Being a single father of two growing girls, the task at hand is quickly growing at a pace that I struggle to keep up with. Every girl needs a mother, but sadly many do not have their mother in their life, as is the case with my girls. My oldest daughter is eleven going on twenty. She can't wait to grow up, in fact, if she had it her way she would just skip these wonderful years and jump right through her teen years and be off on her own.

We've been going through a phase in the last month or so (I hope it's just a phase) where my oldest is wearing so much makeup around the house that I had to set some boundaries. First of all she's eleven and she's not going to wear makeup outside of this house. She all of a sudden didn't want to wear any clothes to bed and I quickly put a stop to that. Why all of a sudden is she behaving this way. Who is she trying to impress and more importantly, who is condoning this behavior or even putting the sleeping nude idea in her head?

I have four sisters, and my children are very close to my mother, yet she spends a lot of time at our neighbors house and I told my daughter that she needs to confide in one of my sisters, because I don't know what this neighbor is telling her. My daughter says she's like a mother to her. I had to explain to her what I thought a mother should be like. I told her this lady is not her mother, and she's never once even invited you for dinner. Do you think a mother would send you away while she eats dinner, or do you think a mother would feed you as well?

I am the father here, and for now, I'm the mother as well. How can I possibly make all the right decisions as a single dad? Obviously I can't, but From now on if she needs to talk about girl stuff, she'll have to talk to her aunts or my mother. Would you send your daughter to a school that you know nothing about or a day care without knowing exactly what's going on? I can't take the chance that she will gather all her answers from a stranger who has never been a mother herself. It's easy to spend a couple of hours with kids that aren't yours, but after awhile they go home and their not your problem any more. That's not being a mother and it certainly doesn't impress upon me that she's a good role model, and I am not comfortable with my child learning from her when I never know what the curriculum is. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and trust your doing the right thing. There are going to be some changes around here, because I love my daughters and they are at a very influential age. This looks like a job for...Mister Mom

YOU'RE ELEVEN RIGHT?

I remember talking with my oldest daughter only a couple of months ago. She was asking me all these questions about womanhood and training bras and I was caught by suprise. I thought maybe she was seeing things on t.v , and maybe she started looking ahead a bit. I was never the less suprised that we were having this conversation so soon.
I knew that I would have to face these issues eventually with her and then again with my youngest daughter. I said "honey, you don't have to worry about that for a couple of years". I went on to explain to her that she was only eleven, and when the time came, she could always talk to me about anything. I have four younger sisters, there's nothing we won't be able to talk about. But why give it any more thought now, I mean, come on, she's only eleven.
I soon found out that there was no "only", as in only eleven". She came to me not more than two weeks later, and Mister Mom was off to the drug store for some feminine products. I told her I loved her and congratulated her. I can see the relief in her eyes and we even spoke about openly later that night. I tucked her into bed later that night and I just had to ask her again. "Honey, you are only eleven, right?"

SCHOOLS BACK - My kids are back in school and the house feels a bit empty during the day. I notice only, because I work from my home. Faith just started 5th grade and she seems suprised if she asks me a math question , that sometimes I'm really not sure of what they really want to know. I was always good at math, but the other day she asked me a question and I had no clue what they were talking about. I mean, I could answer the problem, but I couldn't explain to her how to write it out. Elissa is in second grade now. She brings home A's and 100's consistently. I haven't been giving them enough of my time lately. I'm constantly on the computer or the phone, trying to get my Dental plan business up and running. I spend a couple hours a day putting out fliers and handing out brochures, and then it's back home working on the internet. I'm doing this for them and I think they understand ,how my success is going to lead us to a more comfortable life. Well, so long for now my friends.

There is a long story of how I became a single father Unfortunatly, this is not the time to tell it. I have been
raising my girls now for just over 2 years, and we've
become the 3 amigos. Faith just turned 11 in june, and
Elissa is now 7. We live in south Florida and love to go
swimming a few times a week in our pool. The girls just started back at school and I can't believe how much
they've matured and have become so independant. Well,
that's it for now....Mister Mom
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